INSIDE ANKUR

This post is an attempt to deconstruct the most mysterious and unpredictable of all things-Ankur's thought process. It is one of the least understood phenomena and is widely believed to have arisen from genetic mutations that become apparent when some one from Dehradun lands up in Jamshedpur. So the moot question is why does Ankur have the kind of thoughts that he is famous for?

In order to get to the bottom of this mystery we followed a very methodological and scientific process and the least we can say that the results have been startling. To begin with we carried out the most basic test, popularily known in some schools as "The Dodo Test". For those of you who are confused about what a dodo is, please watch Ice Age and if you manage to find some creatures playing with melons you have nailed it. They are extinct now.The test involves holding a source of a fairly steady beam of light(read torch) close to one ear of the subject and checking if there is light at the end of the tunnel. The result is evident below.

We haven't given up hope yet though. Just as scientists believe that 99% of the matter exists as invisible dark matter, we propose that 99% of Ankur's brain exists as invisible dark gray matter :P.

We all know that Ankur can have some fairly deep thoughts. Where do these profound ideas originate from? Only a genius can make off with Nikita from under Kinshuk's nose. Even the most die hard proponents of the dodo test admit that such an act of sheer brilliance can only be accomplished by an extraordinarliy gifted mind. It was an example of astute planning and deft, crisp execution. We ran a test on IBM's deep blue (IBMs super comp credited with beating Kasparov at chess) and it failed to predict even one of Ankur's moves. Deep Blue crashed when it tried to find a loophole in Ankur's execution plan.

It is a well established fact that a healthy brain can reside inside a healthy body. Its only fair that an invisible brain can only reside in an equally invisible body. However in my position as his neighbour in hostel I had a better opportunity than most others to view this well chiselled marvel of a body. A look at his abdomen(UV filter glasses recommended or you may be blinded by the sheer awesomeness of what you see :P) and you'd know what I am talking about. From what I can vaguely remember(as I too was blinded by the awesomeness :D) Ankur has n-pack abs where n= number of bones in the abdominal section. On further fact finding I found that abdominal section only houses the vertebral bones. So much for scientific precision :P. Ankur has extremely powerful bones that enable him to lie in one position for as long as he desires. It is estimated that Ankur can lift 100 times his body weight. In absolute terms that means he can lift about 50 kilograms :D.

These are preliminary findings of a never ending study. It is not possible for any one us lesser mortals to unravel the mysteries of "dark gray matter" and the shell that houses it. Active participation from your side is encouraged to take this study further. New findings will be published as soon as new data is available.